D.Jim's Log

No More Heroes

2010-02-03T03:49:00.002+08:00

It was you who showed me how
Brought me back to glory
Through hopelessness and darkest days
It was breath you gave me

The Third Chapter

2009-10-14T18:13:00.003+08:00

- Chapter 3 The Photograph -

A few weeks later…

“Johnny’s great! I mean I sure learnt a lot from him. Imagine, for 3 weeks, I could already be a professional photographer. You should have seen the photograph he submitted. It was so beautiful. You’ll see it tomorrow.” Justin said. She has been babbling about Johnny for the past month that bored Austin to death. Austin was still wondering how they could be friends with Johnny so fast, compared to him struggling to form a friendship with Johnny. Sara seemed contented with Johnny too. Austin had always overheard her conversation with Vivian and their conversation was nothing but Johnny. Johnny this, Johnny that. Even Cory was contented with him. For the past month, he had been acting differently and once in a while mentioned Johnny’s name. It seemed that everyone was taking about Johnny, nothing else, as if he was a celebrity or something.

I’m shocked. He came to this school last month and then just in one month, he made everyone like him. He made friends with my classmates. My friends. Everyone except me. But still I couldn’t blame them for being friends. They have their rights. Austin thought.

“Are you jealous, Jeff?” Justine asked teasingly at Jeff who looked annoyed since the girls kept talking about Johnny.

“Hey, cheer up! He’s just my “teacher”. I mean, you know, just for the competition.” Justine assured him. Jeff started to smile. He was sitting next to Sara.

“He’s from your school, right Austin? You know him, right?” Melanie asked.

“Yeah.” Austin answered lazily. He was bored. Damn! He could go away from the conversation group if he wanted to but he didn’t. He was already stuck, Calvin and Kevin were already standing behind him, then sitting beside him was Shannon, then Jennie and Kelly behind her, then next to her were the usual Jeff and Justine, then the rest were standing. They simply formed a circle like in “the round table” – having a meeting of some sort. They were talking while waiting for the bell to go before their first class.

“I can’t wait for tomorrow.” Justine said. Melanie smiled at her, as usual rising an eyebrow, she tried to look annoyed. Everyone can’t help but smiled. “What should I wear tomorrow.. there’d be so many people.” she continued. Everyone just managed to smile, having no idea what to say.

Sure! She can’t wait to meet Johnny! Probably all of them can’t wait! Especially Sara! I dunno what’s so special about him apart from being an amateur photographer and popular. He’s not even that handsome. What does he has that I don’t? Well, emm… of course I can’t wait for tomorrow too. I’m looking forward for it. I wished he come. Well, of course he’ll come. He’s participating in the competition after all. I really want to be at least be friends with him like the rest of them. Everybody seemed to be friends with him, why can’t I right? Wonder what made me wanted to be friends with him in the first place anyway. My friends were friends with him and maybe that’s why. Well anyway, I’ve made up my mind. I’m gonna make sure I’m gonna talk to him, be friendly with him, sit with him. Hey, it’s been a long time since I’ve made new friends. Wait! I’d be embarrassed if I do that. Everybody’s gonna see it. I mean it’s gonna be embarrassing if everyone knew about it. I’ll find a way. Austin thought.

“Err, you seemed to be excited, Justine.” Kevin said.

“Of course!” Justine replied hastily, still in her excited tone.

“I dunno what she’s so excited about.” Melanie said.

“Yeah. Hey, I know…” Tori said. Eyes were concentrated at her now.

“What?” Justine snapped.

“You’re excited because your station is next to Johnny’s right?” What? Johnny again?? Sheesh! Austin thought.

“Okay okay… You’re right.” Justine approved. Everyone laughed. Austin just managed to smile, hiding the fact that he was very annoyed.

“I can’t wait to go to the amusement park.” Shannon said changing the subject.

“Me too!” Jenny said.

“Me three!” Vivian said.

“Oh yeah! You guys sure will be having fun tomorrow! What about me? I’d be stuck at the gallery. I wished I could come too.” Justine said.

“Ha! What a pity.” Cory said.

“Hey, look at the bright side! You’re stuck with “him”.” Sara said. Jeff looked jealous. Justine and the others just smiled widely. They knew Sara said that just to tease poor little Jeff.

“Okay, nevermind… I still have Sara with me.” Jeff said. What?? He’s crazy! No way… Austin thought. He looked annoyed. Fortunately, nobody noticed it.

“No!” Sara snapped. Everyone laughed. Austin faked his. His laugh was fake. It was a disappointment laugh. He didn’t actually believe that Jeff really said that.

The bell rang and everyone started to move back to their seats, getting ready for the teacher to come. Austin finally smiled to himself, hoping everything would work out as smoothly as planned.

The next day…

Everyone was already on the bus and everyone was excited. They were so excited, not just because they were on a school trip to another town but they could also stop by at the famous amusement park situated there. Although most of them had already had a lot of trips there but it seemed the excitement grew more when they were with their friends than when they were with their families. It was not that often that these kind of trips are organized.

Austin sat next to Calvin, couple of seats from the back. Kevin was in front of them and Cory and Mikey were behind them. Cory had begun to be Mikey’s shadow these days. Sara and the others were at the back seats, along with the seniors. Some senior students were also scattered at the front. They were obviously the quiet ones. Justine wasn’t joining them on the bus. She used her own transport to go to the gallery. So was Johnny. He drove to the gallery with his cousin.

“Why didn’t you tell me he’s not joining us?” Austin asked Mikey in a disappointed tone. Austin was upset because Mikey didn’t tell him in advance.

“Err… sorry? But it’s one way for you to emm… nevermind. What’s wrong with you? Just because of that, you’re mad? Hey, enjoy yourself.” Mikey said, then he continued when he noticed Austin was really disappointed - “Okay okay… I’m really sorry.” Cory also looked sorry. But Austin thought he was just teasing. “We knew you were really expecting him to join us. Don’t worry too much about it. Hey, even though he’s not joining us, at least you’ll gonna see him afterwards, you know.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re his classmate. You see him everyday. It’s not so often these “things” happen.” Austin said sarcastically. He then faced to the front, and he could hear Mikey and Cory were laughing behind him. That’s so annoying. Austin thought.

Austin had already told him that he really wanted to be friends with Johnny and this was the golden chance he had. He was looking forward for it. Austin didn’t want to feel desperate by asking Mikey to introduce him to Johnny. He wanted to do it himself like he used to do in his former school.

Hey, look at the bright side. At least Sara’s here. Austin thought. Then he turned to the back of the bus, checking on Sara. The condition at the back was quite noisy. It was like chaos. Sara was talking with Tori at the second last seats. In front of them was Melanie, she was turning back to Sara and Tori, chatting to them. Fortunately Jeff wasn’t sitting near Sara, Tori or Melanie. Je was relieved to see that Jeff was sitting at the back of the bus along with the other senior boys. Franky was one of them. He was the only senior Austin knew in the crowd. When he saw Cory and Mikey, Mikey smiled at him as if teasing him. He and Cory were listening to some music using Mikey’s MP3 player. Austin frowned.

The noise was getting louder, girls chatting, laughing, giggling, singing and all sorts of ‘noise’. Most of which was made by the Lena sisters, Emma and Maya. Austin didn’t expect the seniors to behave like that. Childish! Austin thought. He then turned to the front and he was surprised when he saw Kevin looking at him. Calvin who was beside him was apparently busy listening to his music.

“Hey Austin… what’s wrong?” Kevin asked.

“What?” Austin asked back. He didn’t smile.

“What’s up? You seemed to be gloomy and a bit upset. Why?” It was true that Austin been down ever since they got into the bus.

“Nothing.” Austin said. He was not in the mood to talk about it. He felt bored.

“Come on. I bet there’s something going on. What’s bugging you?”

Austin didn’t answer him. What’s your problem Kev? Can’t you just leave me alone for a minute? Austin thought. Kevin didn’t say another word after that.

I just wished Johnny was here! Austin thought. Austin tried to enjoy the rest of the journey because Calvin had brought his stereo along and as always, it played a lot of good songs. Of course, they were his personal favorites but somehow, most of them like his music selection. Then the Lena sisters requested him to play the songs from Paramore. Everyone loved it. Seemed that the whole bius were Paramore fans. Austin laughed occasionally. The Lena sisters’ behaviors that made him laughed. They were hilariously funny and crazy people. They also had a great sense of humor. They chatted and laughed with Maya and Emma, sometimes teasing other people. A very good combinations. The bus was never quiet. There was always something to laugh at. As there were only about thirty passsengers, so it was easy to tease other people. And that cheered Austin a little but. To him, it was an entertainment. At least he got over Johnny already. He almost forgot about Johnny’s absence over the excitement.

Then, finally they arrived at the photography gallery. The building looked like a museum as it was quite old. Everyone was excited when they got off from the bus, especially the Lena sisters. They even mentioned Johnny’s name which upset Austin in some way.

Then the whole group went into the gallery, in separate ways. All of them were in groups. The Lena sisters and the others in one group, Austin and his four friends in another, Sara and the others in one group, including Jeff of course. At first Austin didn’t feel anything when Jeff was in Sara’s group until they walked side by side holding hands. Austin tried to concentrate on the photographs exhibited but he kept staring at both of them. He was afraid Sara might realised him staring at her so he proposed to his friends to go to another section, and they agreed. They saw a lot of photographs but the image of Sara holding Jeff’s hand was still in Austin’s head.

Then, they met Justine. Justine looked so happy. She seemed to be in a happy spirit. She was with her cousin. Her cousin was also cute like her. It must be hereditary. The beauty runs in the family. Austin thought.

“Hi guys. Where’s the others? I’ve been waiting for you. Hmm… anyway, my station’s over there. Come, I’ll show you.” Justine said as she pointed over to her photography display.

“Oh okay.” Cory said. Everyone smiled as she led them to her station.

“So, what do you think?” Justine asked.

“Hmm… that’s nice.” Cory remarked.

“Very nice.” Mikey said.

“It’s great, Justine.” Austin said.

“Good job.” Kevin said. Justine had two photographs on her station. Each was enlarged. One was a photograph of an old chinese man and the other was a photograph of a cute baby. The photographs were excellent. They were like telling everybody about the generation gap.

“You used your favourite topic, eh Justine? Austin asked.

“Of course! It’s a very interesting topic, you know. I think people should be able to relate to it.” Justine said. Generation Gap was her favorite topic. There was at one time, she wrote an essay about it to the local paper and she received a check from the company. They liked her material because of the way she composed it in detail. “Somehow, I hope I can get a prize for this. Just like the essay that I wrote that time. I’ve been working so hard to produce these photographs.”

“Good luck!” Austin wished.

“When’s the prize giving?” Cory asked.

“This afternoon, unfortunately. By that time, you guys would be enjoying yourselves at the amusement park.”

“Well, good luck then.” Mikey wished. So did Cory, Calvin and Kevin.

“Anyways, thanks to…” Justine said as she pointed to her left with her thumb.

“… Johnny. He’s the one who taught me how to take these photos. I owe him one.” Oh! Johnny. I almost forgot all about him. Austin thought. “By the way, wait till you see his photograph. It’s so beautiful. And he only submitted one entry.”

“Yeah, I know. He told me.” Mikey said. I wonder where he is. Austin thought when he didn’t see Johnny anywhere.

“Hey, gotta go guys. Wanna find the others. Enjoy yourselves. See ya later!” Justine said, as she hurried off with her cousin. The five boys smiled. Cool stuffs. Austin thought as they moved along the exhibition until they arrived at Johnny’s station.

No! Austin cried in his heart. No way… Austin thought once he saw Johnny’s entry. It really shocked him. It was a photograph of Cher. So that’s why Justine said it was beautiful. I wonder what she meant by that, the photograph or Cher. Austin thought. Somehow, that made him pretty jealous. It’s true then. They must be a couple, boyfriend and girlfriend. God, how could I’ve been so blind? he thought. He then shifted his sight to a photograph to the right.

“Austin…” Mikey called.

“Uh oh…” Calvin said. He always says that whenever there’s something bad happens.

“What’s wrong?” Kevin asked when he saw Austin shifted his sight.

“Don’t ask.” Austin answered sternly. He paused before continuing - “I guess you know the answer. Can we go now? It’s no use for me to stay here if ‘everything’ is trying to hurt my feelings. I thought I could get rid of my glum but it seems to me that it’s just gonna get worse.” He can’t believe he said that and surely he didn’t mean it. He was just upset. Everyone turned quiet.

“Hey, if you wanna go, go. That’s your problem. One thing for sure, I’m not moving. I quite like it. It’s nice.” Cory remarked.

What? Since when did he like photography? he doesn’t know what I’m feeling right now. It’s so frustrating to see the photograph was of the girl who I admired and it was taken by Johnny who happens to be my idol. But Cory’s right. I couldn’t just them to leave just because I feel disgusted. Austin thought.

“Cory!” Kevin called, making a stern face. “Sorry, Austin… don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s nothing. This is just a picture that he took and Cher’s just his model. That’s all. Why do you have to be angry?” Austin didn’t say anything.

“Yeah.” Mikey assured. “It’s nothing. Johnny doesn’t have a girlfriend.” I wished I could believe you Mikey. Austin thought.

“Oh really… well, what do you really know? Isn’t it pretty obvious? I mean they always meet at the cafeteria and now this! How would you feel?” Austin asked. “And by the way, you’re his ‘best friend’. You should have told me he took her photograph.”

“Well, excuse me. Even though we’re ‘close friends’, that doesn’t mean I know every intimate detail about him. And for your information, how am I suppose to know that he took her photo? I swear I didn’t know all this.” Mikey defended himself.

“But you said you know about it when you talked to Justine before… how do you explain that?” Austin snapped. Fortunately he still remembered what Mikey said to Justine.

“Oppss…” Mikey said. Austin just raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

“Sorry okay… it’s your fault in the first place. If you really liked her and so scared of someone would ‘take’ her away, why didn’t you just ‘take’ her before anyone could? And now when you know Cher is probably ‘taken’, you tried to blame it on others.” Cory pointed out. Calvin, Kevin and Mikey gave Cory a stern look.

What’s wrong with Cory today? I thought he would understand. He’s acting strange. Austin thought. The five of them didn’t say a word. Somehow Austin agreed on what Cory said. He spoke the truth. It was actually Austin’s fault now that Cory had pointed it out. He should have made a move on her but now it was too late.

Then moments later, Johnny arrived and approached Mikey. He looked exhausted. “Hey Mike! So what d’you think?” he said as he patted Mikey’s shoulder. I wished he did that to me. Austin thought.

“Someone’s jealous of it.” Mikey remarked. Austin knew he was referring to him.

“Really?” Johnny asked. Mikey nodded and smiled sarcastically.

“Anyway, this photo is quite interesting. But don’t you think it’s kinda… ‘modelistic’?

“I know what you mean.” Johnny said. “Hey, it’s allowed in the regulation. And I’m in the Green category. It’s a free theme. Mine’s ‘Purity’. Isn’t she just wonderful?”

Yeah right. Austin thought. Mikey and Johnny talked, leaving Austin alone. Cory was beside Mikey listening to the conversation while Calvin and Kevin were looking at the other photographs. Austin felt awkward hanging around them. It was like everyone was doing their own thing. So he went to admire photos by others. It was the only way he can forget what happened. He can’t face Johnny after he saw that photograph.

Why can’t I just linger around them? It’s a golden opportunity, you know. But then… nevermind. I’d be miserable just being around them. Austin thought.

Whenever Austin looked at Johnny, at the same time Johnny was also looking at him which gave Austin the creeps. He looked upset whenever Austin looked at him as if he did something wrong. I just wished he was on the bus. Austin thought.

Then later, Mikey and the others approached Austin who was intrigued with one of the photographs he saw.

“Just forget about that Cher thing. Hey, you looked ugly with that gloomy face.” Kevin said.

Who said it was about that! I’m over it already. I think I don’t like her anymore. I wished you guys could understand that. Austin thought.

“Hey, Austin. It’s not what you think. Cher is actually his…” Mikey tried to say.

“His girlfriend, right?” Austin cut in.

“Just forget about it, Mikey. I’m fed up by his jealousy. He obviously doesn’t want to know.” Cory said.

“Fine. I don’t want to know.” Austin said.

“Austin, just listen…” Mikey pleaded.

“No, I rather not know.” Austin said.

“Okay, suit yourself.” Mikey gave up, shaking his head.

“Guys, can we just drop this? Come on, what are we standing here for anyway?” Kevin stated.

So the five of them started to move to one part of the gallery, the Art Section. Then, Austin turned back to take another glimpse of Johnny but when he saw Johnny, he wasn’t alone. Justine was talking with him. Sara, Tori and Melanie were there too. Including Jeff. He was holding Justine’s hands now. The five of them seemed very friendly with Johnny. I really envy that guy. Wonder how come Sara’s able to get along better with Johnny, who just came a month ago, than me, her own classmate who came in from the beginning of the semester? What does he have that I don’t? Austin thought.

After spending about two hours in the gallery, all of the students went back to the bus. Like earlier, noise were coming from everywhere. Especially from the four girls. Some of them were complaining because of the heat. No wonder you guys are feeling hot, you’re making so much noise and moving all over the place. Austin thought, smiling to himself. Somehow by now, the incident that happened about two hours ago was forgotten. Nobody dared to bring it up ever since they left the gallery. They were simply acting as if nothing happened.

When the bus started moving, the condition in the bus was quiet for awhile until the younger Lena sister broke the silence.

“Why is everyone suddenly so quiet? Make some noise!” That made everyone laughed and once again, there was the noise pollution. Austin looked at Calvin who was beside him. He was smiling because of something. Probably because of that Lena girl.

“To the playground, here we go!” someone shouted. It sounded like the other Lena sister.

“Hey! Mr. Bus driver!"” Maya called. “Can you drive faster than this? I’m starving.” she shouted.

“Okay. Just be cool, Miss!” The bus driver said in his typical Indian accent. He was probably in his early thirties and fortunately he was a good sport.

“Ooo… Maya! He just called you ‘Miss’! That’s what I called a gentleman. Hi Miss Maya!” Emma teased. Everyone laughed, Including the driver.

“I’ll try to drive a bit faster. But as you know, we’re in a speed limit zone for buses. As soon as we passed this zone, I’ll speed right up. Okay?” the bus driver said.

“What a cool driver. Keep it up!” the Lena sister shouted.

“Thanks.” the bus driver answered as he waved his hand, smiling.

“Hey Calvin! Turn on the stereo. We want some music! Emma requested.

“Okay okay. Patience.” Calvin then played songs from Paramore and some of the girls at the back started to sang along.

“I’ll play something special afterwards, from MJ.” Calvin said. Austin just nodded. That was just because he can barely hear what Calvin said. Even though Calvin was right beside him, it seemed like a whisper to him.

Austin occasionally looked back. Watching over Sara and unfortunately she was sitting at the back seat beside Jeff. That upsetted Austin. He then just stayed quiet listening to the music played until they finally arrived at the playground.

- Chapter 3 End -

The 2nd Chapter

2009-10-04T14:44:00.004+08:00

- Chapter 2 The Chance -

“What are you laughing at!?” Jennie asked, smiling, when she noticed Austin was staring at her as he laughed. Austin didn’t reply but instead laughed even more. He couldn’t stop laughing because for some reason, there was always this urge to laugh whenever he looked at Jennie.

Jennie looked annoyed. Her best friends, Kelly, Phoebe and Shannon, were standing by the door beside her. They couldn’t helped but smile at Austin as they shook their heads. They had been best friends since their freshman years and they seemed to be inseparable. The four of them liked to be together all the time, having girl-to-girl talks. Shannon was the most attractive one in the group, because she had the dimples. She always made Austin smile because she always thought that she was a model. Heck, to Austin, she did had the potential to be one because she had the height. She was even a couple of inches taller than Austin! And Austin always teased the way she laughed. There was something different about it. A laugh that Austin never heard before. It was unique.

Kelly, on the other hand, was the moody type. Although she was not that pretty like Shannon, but Austin thought she was attractive, in a way. Maybe because she appealed to him. He liked her ways. Especially the way she talked. She was kinda cool. The same goes for Jennie and Phoebe. They were always laughing with her friends, especially with Austin for no particular reasons.

“Okay, okay… Sorry Jen!” Austin apologized, declining his laughter. Jennie laughed. Her friends beside her couldn’t resist but to laugh together.

“What?” Austin asked. He was sitting in the teacher’s chair. From there he could see the view of the whole class. He could see his three close friends, Kevin, Cory and Calvin, talking at one side of the classroom. They looked content.

“Nothing!” Jennie answered. She laughed again and then Austin joined her. Vivian who was observing Austin and Jennie’s strange behavior approached them.

“Why are you laughing?” She asked. She looked confused. Austin and Jennie laughed even harder. “Sheesh, you guys. You don’t even know why you’re laughing!”

“Well he started it!” Jennie confessed in between her laughter.

“Hey Vi! It’s just one way of exercising, you know. A TV show said that a hundred laughs is the same as 10 minutes of exercise. Well, I’d say it’s cool. I can exercise without even breaking a sweat.” Austin explained.

“So, could you explain how do you count your laughter?” Vivian asked. Austin hesitated and frowned, thinking what to answer her then.

"Well, who cares about counting. You just have to laugh a lot for at least ten minutes. Then it’s a hundred laughs!” Austin answered. That was the only logical answer he could give because he didn’t know how to count laughter. The TV show apparently didn’t tell him how to count it.

“Very funny. The only person I know who could laugh that long and more is you!” Vivian said.

“Why, thank you for noticing Vi!” Austin said. He laughed even more now. His face was all red. It was true though. Austin liked to laugh a lot. Breaking Cory’s record. Cory used to hold the longest laughing record for a year. At least, until Austin came and broke it.

Vivian couldn’t resist the lame joke, so she laughed along with Jennie and Austin. Their classmates around them just smiled and shook their heads. Vivian was also Austin’s classmate who could easily laugh. Austin always admired her because she was the brains of the class. They also had a lot of things in common, such as they were both bookworms and like entertainment so much.

Moments later, Justine, Melanie, Tori and Sara – the Fantastic Four, Austin called, stepped into the class.

“Hi guys!” they said. Jennie, Austin and Vivian slowed down their laughter when the four came. Their faces were red from laughing a lot, with Austin being the reddest among all three of them. Maybe it was because of his fair complexion. Same goes for Vivian. The four girls who just came stopped by the teacher’s table, surprised to see their red faces.

“What happened to your faces?” Justine asked, shaking her head. Laughter from the other side of the class could be heard. Definitely Cory’s.

“They were laughing.” Shannon answered.

“What were you laughing about anyway?” Justine questioned them again.

And again Shannon answered, “Absolutely nothing.”

Justine and the three girls just looked surprised, shaking their heads.

“You guys, I don’t know what happened to you. Laughing without any reason…” Justine said. “But I appreciate having you guys as my classmates because it would be boring without laughter in around here.” She began to smile. The other three girls didn’t seemed like they had anything to say so they just smiled. The four of them then began to return to their own seats.

“Hi Sara!” Austin said when she passed the teacher’s table.

“Hi!” Sara said. Austin didn’t know why he likes to say something to Sara. Maybe he likes her. Maybe more than that.

But he wasn’t sure if the feeling inside of him was true. Could he be having a crush on her? But what about Cher? Yeah, maybe it was true. He may have a crush on Sara too. He just didn’t realized it earlier. Austin hadn’t got the slightest idea why he have a crush on Sara. Most of the girls in his class are cute. Especially Justine. She was the cutest of all the nine girls in the class. And yet, he likes Sara.

Sara had a fair complexion on her face and whenever she blushed, her face would instantly turn pink. She was so cute. Although she was quiet when compared to the other girls but she was still out going. Austin liked that kind of girls. Melanie and Tory… well, they were just like Justine. Austin wasn’t really keen to ‘mess’ with them, the two of them were the serious kind, especially Melanie. Sara was the right one.

In the mean time of trying to get Cher to notice him, he had also tried to approach Sara. And unfortunately, everytime he tried to do that, there would always be some ‘obstructions’. Like every time he tried to talk to her, Jeff, another classmate would interfere. It was like Sara was his girlfriend, as if he owned her and won’t allow her to talk to any guys. Especially Austin.

Austin had a hunch that Jeff might knew Austin had a crush on her. That made Austin wondered whether Sara was really his girlfriend. Once, Austin asked Kelly for the truth, and fortunately, his assumptions weren’t true. But he still didn’t believe it because by the looks of their ‘relationship', they looked so friendly.

But Jeff had a girlfriend already. Justine! Everyone knows that. Why would he want another one? Austin wondered.

He never like Jeff ever since he came to the school. He hated his attitude, the playboy type, as if he owned every cute girl he can get his hands on, without giving any chance to any guys.

How many more does he wants? He already had Justine. She’s cute. Isn’t that enough?

Few minutes later, the bell rang and Mr. Peters, their homeroom and English teacher soon entered the classroom. Everyone was already ready in their seats. Mr. Peters was an Englishman with a great sense of humour. He was hilariously funny, telling every wacky stories and jokes he know to the whole class. To his favorite class. He was the one responsible in making Austin felt like he belonged in that school. Austin felt like he owed him.

Mr. Peters came to the class just to take their attendance and informed them there would be a photography exhibition in another town, fifty miles from their town. He wanted to them earlier since his class with them wasn’t till the end of the day.

“I am hereby informing you lads and lassies, that there would be a photography and art exhibition and competition next month." He said in a typical English accent. “The school would like to bring you there. A senior class would be coming as well since one of them is participating. He’s an amateur photographer.” The class instantly turned noisy. Every started to talk about it.

“Any questions?” Mr. Peters asked, ignoring the noise.

“Sir, can I participate in the photography competition since you said one of the seniors is participating as well?” Justine asked. Everyone stared at her. “What?” She asked – “Well I’m good in photography, you know!”

Everyone laughed. Even Mr. Peters.

“Of course, my dear! You most certainly can. That’s the reason why I’m telling you this.” Mr. Peters answered. Justine’s face brightened. After ten minutes of discussion, Mr. Peter went out of the class. The class was as usual noisy with laughter. Shannon even proposed herself for being Justine’s model. Everyone laughed even more.

“I wonder who could it be…” Justin asked.

“Who?” Melanie asked back.

“You know, the senior that’s participating!”

“Oh yeah…”

“I bet he’s a handsome guy. It would be great.”

Jeff looked annoyed. And Justine noticed that - “Okay… sorry! I was just kidding. Come on!” she apologized. “I don’t care who it is. But I bet he’s as handsome as you.”

Austin just managed to smile at the both of them.

Jeff? Handsome?? She’s got to be kidding! Wonder what she sees in Jeff…

It wasn’t an insult. It was the truth. Sure, Jeff was tall and fit but that is as far as it goes. There’s nothing special about him. But above all, Austin didn’t have the right to judge on people he hadn’t known very well yet though.

Maybe he was special to her. Who knows…

And at that moment, he was glad that humans can have thoughts, because he can say anything he wanted without the fear of being heard.

. . . . . . . . . .

As usual, like everyday, the five of them, Austin, Cory, Mikey, Calvin and Kevin, sat at their ‘official meeting table’ in the cafeteria. The place wasn’t as crowded as usual though.

“Guess what?” We’ll be having a trip next month for an exhibition.” Cory told Mikey, thinking it was the latest news. Everyone tried to make a straight face. Mikey looked slightly unamused and then said -

“I know. I know everything about it already. We’re going as well, unfortunately…” He gave a stern look at Cory,

“Wow, that’s great.” Cory said excitedly.

“Johnny’s participating in the competition.” Mikey informed. Austin stayed quiet.

Johnny? Yeah! That’s awesome. I should have known that it’s going to be him. This is a big chance for me to…

“Really?” Cory asked. It was like Cory and Mikey were the only ones who were there talking. The both of them kept on talking, same with Kevin and Calvin while Austin was looking around the cafeteria to ,by any chance, catch a glimpse of Cher like always. Or even Sara. Or maybe Johnny…

Then, he say the two girls he admired, Cher and Sara. With Justine, Tori and Melanie of course. They seemed to know each other and Austin just realised something.

Yes, of course! Melanie and Cher were cousins.

Then moments later, Johnny approached them and… hugged Cher.

What the…?

Austin couldn’t believe what he just saw. Johnny hugged Cher… But it could mean anything. They could be relatives, close friends or… maybe lovers!? That could be possible. Then Austin saw he shook Sara’s hand first. Then Justine’s, Tori’s and finally Melanie’s. They were smiling. They looked really friendly. They were laughing.

No, it couldn’t be. No, it means nothing. I’m not jealous. No, it’s normal. That’s okay…

Austin tried to reassure himself.

- Chapter End -

Okay so that’s the second chapter of the story The Lost Boy. Hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will be up soon. Till next time then.

P/S sorry for the confusing content. Bear in mind that i was still in primary six when I first wrote this story. Which made me… 11 years old? Yup. I was still a kid so be kind please. I’m just rewriting the story I wrote a long time ago.

Don’t like it, then don’t read it. Have a nice day, you guys. XP

An Old Story From My Past, The First Chapter.

2009-09-29T16:13:00.019+08:00

This is an old story from my past. Just gonna post it up and explain about it later.

The story is called The Lost Boy. Just like the name of the title, it's about a boy who somehow lost his path along the way in life.

The contents in this story are partially based on my real life and obviously altered to fit the story and help protect those involved.

Anyway I'll explain more on why I decided to write this and probably continue to blog about my own life a little bit more in my next post.

This is one of those really long stories so... grab a snack and read on. Enjoy.

- The Lost Boy. -
DJimSD TM

- Chapter 1 The Surprise -

“I missed my old friends already,” Austin said – “It has been about 8 months since I've left the school...”

Austin was a transfer student from an all boys boarding school to a public school in his hometown. He met a whole lot of different people as the public school was co-educational (mixed). He made friends with Kevin, Calvin, Cory and Mikey. Kevin, Calvin and Cory were his classmates while Mikey wasn’t. He was a student a year ahead of them. Cory introduced him to Austin about a month ago at a birthday party. Cory and Mikey were the ones who are very close to Austin. And now five of them were in the cafeteria having a meeting during break. As usual the cafeteria was cramped with students and it was noisy.

“What!?” Austin snapped when he found his friends were staring at him.

“Nothing.” Calvin said.

“Yeah…” Cory agreed. Mikey just nodded.

“It’s just that… it’s strange! I mean, you know, that’s the first time I heard you said that you missed your old friends since you came here!” Kevin commented. To Austin, Kevin seemed to have comments on every topic they discussed. And Austin was always grateful for having him as a friend because of his honesty and bravery in giving comments. Unlike the others like Calvin, he rarely gives any comments because he thinks it was better to just keep quiet. Cory and Mikey, well… they seemed to be one… they laughed a lot, had the same way of thinking and opinions and the most of all they loved to sing a lot as well.

Amongst the five of them, Cory was the most talkative one, Mikey came in second, then Austin, Kevin was next and Calvin was the last one. Cory should always deserve a trophy for being the most talkative person in the group. Austin always felt sorry for Calvin maybe because he doesn’t talk that much. Calvin seemed not to be contented to voice out his opinions, he usually expresses them in his cartoons.

“Wonder how is it going now…” Austin said as he remembered his good moments in his former school, the kind teachers he left, the cherished moments with his old friends either at school or at the hostel rooms. It was all just a memory now.

“Stop wondering off! I think you’ve gone too far.” Kevin joked. Everyone laughed except Austin. He thought there was nothing humorous to laugh at.

“It’s just that I’m kinda worried, guys. An old friend of mine called me yesterday, he talked about our school, and unfortunately, things are not how they used to be since I’ve been gone. Imagine more than a hundred students left the school!”

“Wow… a hundred!?” Cory asked with disbelief. Austin nodded.

“Just how many students are left now?” Mikey asked.

“Probably less than two thousand left.” Austin said.

“Stop worrying, Austin. Why are you thinking about all this? You’re in this school now, therefore, you’re a student of this school… officially!” Mikey said. Everyone agreed, even Austin.

Somehow, Mikey was right.

“I’m a student of this school now, why should I think about my old school? But isn’t that unfair…? After all these years, I’ve been brought up in that boarding school and I have to forget about it all now? I spent almost half a decade of my life there, and now, I have to leave it behind?” Austin thought.

Sometimes Austin felt guilty for leaving the school. He was always worried if whether he made the right choice or not by transferring to this school. He still remembered the moment when he told his mother that he wanted to transfer to a public school in town. He couldn’t stand the look on his mother’s face... like a fierce tigress. He always knew that his mother would disagree with the proposal. But fortunately after a lot of persuasions, his mother finally agreed. His father was speechless. All he could do was observe and above of all, he was glad that Austin made up his mind to transfer to a public school in town. He always wanted Austin to study in a public school so he could spend time with him but Austin’s mother insisted to send him to a boarding school just like his sister.

The fact is, Austin missed his home, his hometown. For five years he was at a boarding school a thousand miles from home. He was homesick. That was the reason why he wanted to transfer to a school in town, so that he could taste his mother’s cooking, see new friends, meet girls. He wanted to do everything an ordinary teenage boy does. He admitted he really hated his former school, not only was it far from home, but there was no life, no freedom. It was like a prison. It was then when a friend of his who has transferred to a public school told him about the exciting new things he experienced: he realized that he wasted five years of his life in a boarding school. Who cares about the rules when he can have fun and study at the same time. Yes, Austin sure made the right decision. He simply did not have any life there, only friends with the same luck. Everything was controlled then, but now that he has decided what to do, he has a life. An independent school life.

Austin’s deep thoughts were disturbed when Cory spoke, “You really missed your friends, huh?” Austin just nodded, forcing a smile.

“Hey guys… guess what? I had a new classmate today!” Mikey said abruptly. Everyone was so tensed before has just now lightened up a bit, relieved to hear someone changing to a new topic.

“He seemed to came in late. It’s the beginning of the second term now!” Cory said.
At that moment, Austin saw a tanned, tall guy entered the cafeteria. He was vaguely familiar.

“No… he couldn’t be!” he thought. “Johnny!?” Austin exclaimed. He didn’t believe that he’d actually called out Johnny’s name like that. His eyes were concentrated on Johnny, walking through the crowds of students.

“That’s it. His name’s Johnny! How’d you know?” Mikey asked.

“Austin!” Kevin cried. Austin’s eyes were still on Johnny’s figure.

“Huh? What were you saying?” Austin asked when he realized Kevin was calling his name.

“Sheesh…” Cory said.

“Ah! That’s him… Johnny!” Mikey said as he saw Johnny at the snack bar.

“Huh? He’s your new classmate?” Austin asked. Mikey looked questionably at Cory, Calvin and Kevin. The three of them just shrugged.

“I thought you were not paying attention!” Mikey said, annoyed.

“Repeat what you’ve said. What’s the story?” Austin asked.

“Okay. For you information, I’ve got a new classmate today and to my surprise, you guessed his name. How’d you know that?” Austin didn’t answer Mikey’s question.

“He’s nice looking, eh Mike?” Cory remarked. He then whispered something to Mikey. He nodded and Cory’s eyes brightened. Kevin and Calvin just eyed him suspiciously.

“Wow! That’s great!” Austin said, his eyes were still stuck on Johnny.

“What do you mean by ‘that’s great’?”Mikey asked.

“Umm, I’ve been dying to talk to him again. So, could you help me out?”

“Huh?” Cory said. Everyone looked at Austin.

“You know Johnny?” Mikey asked.

“Of course I know him! Well, not that I know him personally. I just knew him by his reputation. He doesn’t really know me though. He’s one of the amateur photographers at my old school. You can say that he’s my idol. He’s a cool photographer!” Austin explained.

Everyone was quiet, thinking what to say next until Cory broke the silence, “How come you didn’t had the chance to talk to him before?”

“He was always busy.” Austin answered simply.

“Busy?” Cory asked.

“His photographs.”

“Oh.” Cory said. Mikey sighed. Kevin and Calvin as usual were keen in listening to the conversation.

“We had a photography club back at my school, that’s why he was busy all the time.” Nobody said a word. “He was the president of the club, so you know what that means… busy!” Austin continued.

“Cool!” Cory said. Now everyone started to smile.

“Doesn’t he looked sort of arrogant? I mean the way he walked… the way he stands upright!” Cory remarked. Mikey raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, Core! Although he looked that arrogant but he had a reputation for being really friendly. I’ve spoken to him couple of times at the school and he’s cool!” defended Austin. It’s wasn’t true. Austin lied. He never even said a word to him. Johnny had always ignored him at school, especially in the photography clubroom. It was like Johnny tried to avoid him. Austin never knew why he did that, ignoring and avoiding him. It felt like Austin was a disease to be avoided. One question still remains unanswered: "Why did Johnny always talked to my friends and not me? Did I do something wrong that offended him?" Austin thought.

“Austin’s right. He’s kind of friendly. I mean, by the time he stepped into the class this morning, he introduced himself straight away! So far, I like him. The girls certainly love him! They already gave him the ‘welcoming gesture’ – the reactions you know.” Mikey said.

“Yeah! Yeah! I know what you mean.” Cory said.

“Gee… just in one day, he’d made new friends. Even the girls love him already. He’s always a very likeable person, back in my school. Every teachers seemed to like him. Hmm, wonder how he does it? I’ve been here for months already and still nobody notices me! I’m invisible, as if I don’t exist.” Austin said – “I’m so jealous of him!” Austin was used to be a teacher’s pet and quite popular, maybe because of his academic achievements. But the situation was different here. Austin was nothing here, a simple ordinary student. Maybe that was the difference between a boarding and a public school.

“Why?” Cory asked.

“Well, for one thing, he’s a good photographer and he’s popular!” Austin said.

“Aren’t you popular too…?” Cory asked.

“Well, yeah! I can say that though, just because of my academic achievements. But I don’t know what he is popular for, his friendliness or his good looks. At our school, we had a society for boys who had good looks. And for your information, I was included although I didn’t want to. It was a discrimination.”

“Well?” Mikey asked.

“Well, I’m not saying that I’m that good looking. It’s just that I had the looks. Nothing much. Neither did Johnny. He was in the middle, in the border line between good looking and bad looking. He’s just nice, you know?”

“How specific.” Kevin said jokingly. Everyone laughed.

“But I still don’t understand…” Mikey said.

“Neither do I. I don’t even know how it really works. Let’s just drop this, okay?” Austin proposed. Everyone agreed.

“Hey Core! You’re quiet today.” Mikey said.

“Yeah, why?” Kevin asked too. Austin just managed to smile, tired of talking.

“He must’ve ran out of debatable words!” Calvin said jokingly, smiling at Cory. Calvin was always happy whenever Cory stayed quiet; he was tired of always listening to Cory’s voice. Cory, on the other hand, was a member of the school’s debating club and had the habit for debating especially with Calvin.

“Nothing!” Cory answered, simple and short. He looked bored but anyhow he forced a smile. Austin suspected something that there must be something going on. Austin knew Cory too well, because whenever he was quiet like that, there must definitely be something significant going on.

“Good, cos I like that!” Calvin said teasingly. Everyone except Cory smiled widely. He looked insulted. He sighed.

“Okay… okay… hey guess what?” Mikey asked.

“What?” Austin asked. Cory who was sitting beside Mikey looked at him.

“There’s one more thing I haven’t tell you guys. Johnny’s my neighbor!”

“What!? You’re kidding!” Cory said. Calvin stared at Cory suspiciously because of Cory’s drastic behavior change.

“Hmm, you’re up to something, aren’t you Core?” Austin asked. Eyes were then concentrated at Cory.

Cory was silent for a moment and said, “Nothing!” Mikey just shook his head, he knew what was going on. Earlier, Cory told him to introduce him to Johnny. He was interested to be friends with him.

“Hey, why are we talking about him now, anyway?” Mikey asked.

“Well, you brought up the topic!” Cory finally said something. Calvin smiled sinisterly at Cory which disgusted him. Austin always found the both of them were funny because although they were not on the same side sometimes but still they were the best of friends.

“Shh!” Austin demanded.

Moments later, three freshmen girls were passing their table, as usual smiling widely. To whom they were smiling, Austin had no idea. One of them was Cher. She was the one who was walking in the middle, probably indicating she was the leader of the three. She was undoubtfully cute. And Austin really likes her. Well, it was more than likely to be a crush.

“Psst!” Calvin said as he elbowed Austin who was sitting beside him.

“I know, I know!” Austin said, he was blushing. Kevin just kept quiet, smiling widely. Cory and Mikey stayed quiet as well, forcing themselves not to smile or even laugh. They all knew what was going on. They knew Austin had a crush on Cher since earlier this year; she was his love at first sight. That’s why they stayed quiet so that Austin could have his few moments, few great moments. Because of Austin’s extensive interest on Cher, Calvin and Kevin helped him to find out Cher’s whereabouts. They even entered clubs that Cher entered, they joined the ECAs that she’d done, and doing almost everything hoping Cher would notice him. By doing so, he could get close to her and talk to her, telling his feelings for her but until now, he couldn’t do it. He hadn’t any confidence yet. Apparently there was something that held him back from approaching her, maybe because he also had a crush on his classmate, Sara. His friends didn’t know that. Calvin and Kevin assured him all the time that Cher would like him too. That was just to build up Austin’s confidence. They guaranteed because to them Cher had given positive reactions, like smiling at Austin whenever they met. They were like her shadow, following wherever she goes. And Austin knew Cher suspected that he liked her. Just as Cher was out of sight, all of them started to laugh. This made Austin blushed even more.

“Stop it!” Austin demanded, still smiling. “You’re laughing at me now but wait till I get her…!” Austin thought.

- End of Chapter 1 -

Patrick Kai is Back!

2009-07-19T22:58:00.003+08:00

A ‘Long-Awaited’ Post

2009-06-03T22:02:00.001+08:00

Okay I know it’s been a really really long while since I updated anything in this blog. I’ve been meaning to post at least something up but I ended not posting anything.

I don’t know why. Maybe I just lost the interest in blogging now since I’m so ‘busy’ with school (revisions, assignments, exams, etc) and living my life basically.

Anyway, it's Sunday tonight, or what's left of it, and I suddenly feel like I want to blog about something.

Hmm... what to blog, what to blog...?

So my AS exams are over. I'm taking taking Maths and Bio AS this june.

How was it, you ask?

Well, let's just say it went very 'well'. 'Very well' indeed.

Oh well. No point in sulking about it anymore. What's done is done, right? Sigh.

Okay, so...

I'M FREE FROM EXAMS!!!

...for now. :(

Term holidays starts about a week from now. So that also means a week of school left, I have. So lazy to go, I am. And SO not looking forward to the mass amount of homework that's gonna be given. That's gonna be good. 'Wait', I cannot.

ARGHH!

So what else to talk about...

Oh yea. Today was kinda... fun, I guess?

I woke up really really late. Well compare to other days. I woke up at 10.30am while I usually wake up around 4-6am. That's like... 4-5 hours wasted. Just like that. Sigh.

Originally woke up at about 6.30am. Since it was Sunday and everything, decided to sleep a lil bit longer. Who knew that 'lil bit longer' would be '4 hours longer'.

Hate myself for being like that, I do.

Things started of kinda slow today. I woke up slowly, got off the bed slowly, walked to the bathroom slowly, did my 'business' slowly, wore my clothes slowly, ate slowly, etc.

It was slow basically. Nothing much happened.

Yet.

Everything started to go a bit faster when we, me n my sis, went to Bandar.

Gosh, there were a LOT of people going out today. It was like the whole population was going out. A bit of an exaggeration, I know, but it sure felt like that.

Jampacked of people here and there. I didn't even know we got that many people here.

Overcrowding aside, nothing much happened. Bought some DVDs, watched some nice looking people going here and there, checked some of the Apple merchandises (seriously need to save some money so I can buy that headphones. Damn!) and the usual stuffs.

I bought takoyaki again today. Man I'm addicted to those lil octopus balls.

Okay that just sounded weird. :(

Anyway, yeah I bought takoyaki again. Twice. Just can't get enough of it. Even though I ate it myself, I still wanted more. Oh well. Maybe next Sunday? :)

Oh here's the pic of yours, Miji. I didn't know what else I wanted to do with it.

Just a simple editing. I hope you like it though. I really am getting sucky with photoshop now.

Okay I guess this is it for now. So sleepy. My eyelids are practically 10 degrees opened right now. So I guess I'm gonna go to bed. Okay guys. 'Til next time, see ya.

A Birthday Greeting for A Friend

2009-06-03T21:55:00.000+08:00

I just wanna take this chance to say a very Happy 19th Birthday to . . .

Muhd Harif Bin Arun

I wish you a very good birthday this year. I hope you had a blast today. All the best in whatever you do in life. No matter what happens, never give up and always believe in yourself.

Be good to your family. Be good to your friends.

Be good to others as they are always there for you when you least expect them to be.

Although I've only known you for a short while (starting this year, was it?), I already started to think of you as a close friend. I like hanging out with you. You're a good guy. Always full of jokes, trying to keep an uplifting surrounding. And I like that about you.

Unlike me, who's always 'emo' and not funny. :)

Anyway, have a good birthday, have a good month and I hope for your success in your A Level exams. Study hard, study smart and study like hell. That's my only advice. XP

Here's a little birthday poem just for you. I hope you like it.

It’s your birthday time again;

It’s true; there’s no denying,

Another year has come and gone;

You know that I’m not lying.

So for you, Harif,

Here’s what I want to say:

I hope this birthday’s the best one yet,

In every delightful way.

So happy birthday to you.

Have lots of birthday fun!

May your birthday wishes all come true,

Even if you have a ton.

Okay I guess that's all. Again I wish you a happy 19th birthday. I'll give you a present next time I meet you at school, okay? Okay guys. That's it for now. 'Til next time. Xp

A New Beginning Again

2009-05-31T20:48:00.000+08:00

New layout. New content. New life.
Expect a lot more new stuffs to come.

So till then, see you guys soon.

Promises, promises . . .

The Sunday day. (Just Pics)

2009-05-13T14:19:00.001+08:00

So The Dream Continues…

2009-05-11T22:53:00.001+08:00

I guess everyone hates me now.

I’ll maybe share more about it in my next post after this. Or the one after that. Maybe.

But for now, let’s just continue the story from where I left off.

~~------------------------------------------------------------------------~~

“And besides… I wanted to be with you.”

Hearing that, the part of me that felt sad up to that point, just faded away.

I laughed.

Never in my life would I expect someone to say those words to me. Especially from that person, whoever that person was. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know why. But somehow, it felt nice. It felt right. The laughter soon died out. And finally I stood up, with only one objective in my mind. I started to walk.

“Where are you going now? You’re not just gonna leave me here, now are you?”

I glanced at the site in front of me for awhile.
The waves crashing onto the beach.
My friends splashing water and having fun.
The fading vision of an oil rig in the distance.

I looked at all this for awhile. Then I looked back at the person, still sitting on that log with a concerned look. It only took one tiny smile and a little nod of the head to the side for that person to know what I was thinking. Then I started to run.

I didn’t see it but I knew a big toothy grin appeared on that person’s face. Before I know it, we were both running towards the water, trying to overtake the other. It was fun.

We were soon out of breath by the time we reached the water. I never felt that much adrenaline for awhile. Not ever since I started my sixth year form about two years ago. Two years of endless lessons in the classroom and now it’s over. Another life had come and gone away in a blink of an eye.

We jumped into the sea. And just acted like a pair of children. We splashed, we thrashed and we were having best time of our lives. We continued to play until we had to stopped before we drowned.

I stared at the sea, thinking how wide and open it was. How it seems to stretch in every direction. It gives a different perspective of how things work. And I stared at that person, who stared at anywhere else, searching for our friends.

Apparently we were the only ones at the beach. The rest of our friends had either gone further along the beach or went back to the benches to rest. As far as I know, we were alone. And at that moment, I decided to do something that I would not normally do.

I went and hugged that person.

I know. It wasn’t something I just do. Especially in the public. With people here and there. Walking. Talking. Watching. And not too mention, I didn’t even know who that person was. I didn’t know why I did it. You could say it was an impulse I guess.

Anyway, I just went and wrapped my arms around that person from behind. That person went rigid at my sudden action. I didn’t know what to do. So I just pulled away and turned back.

I apologized and laughed sheepishly. I explained that I didn’t know what came over me. And to just think of it as a spur of the moment.

Then there was that awkward silence. I could feel eyes burning on the back of my head. Questions began to invade my mind. Was that person angry? Upset? Confused?

The silence was unbearable. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Just when I was about to turn to look at that person, I felt a pair of arms wrapped around me. Now it was my turn to turn stiff.

It felt like hours passed by.

Me, standing there, frozen like a statue.

That person, arms wrapped around me.

It seemed like a long time but in fact, it was only for a few minutes. I soon relaxed and found myself calmed by the warmth of that person.

“I like you too.”

It was almost like a whisper. I could barely hear it. But I did. Heat began to rise on my face. I could feel it change to a crimson red, much like the sky where apparently the sun was beginning to set.

Soon I was released and turned to face that person. By then, I was still oblivious as to who it was. But somehow, it felt right.

Turn I did, but I couldn’t look at that face. I kept my head down. And after a few minutes had passed, there was silence in the air. Maybe that person was expecting a reply from me. But I just couldn’t bring myself to look up and say anything. So I just stood there, with my head bowed.

A few more minutes passed without any sound except for the blowing wind and the crashing waves. Faint sounds of laughter in the distance.

Getting anxious with the silence, I dared myself to at least look up. But when I did, I met a unlikely sight.

There was no one.

That person was gone. I searched around me, only to see sand, the sea and more sand. I was alone. Again.

“Behind you.”

I quickly turned around to face the speaker. And there was that person again. Smiling that smile, while holding a gun with their right hand.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. To say I wasn’t the least bit scared, I’d be lying. I was really confused.

“Don’t look so surprised.”

I wanted to move. I wanted to turn and just run away. But I couldn’t. I was stuck. I was glued to that spot. Facing a person who had just said they like me. Who is also pointing a gun at me.

“Anyway, as I said before, I like you. I really do. I always have, always will. But sometimes, some things are just not meant to be. I accept that. And that’s why I’m doing this. For you. And for me.”

Those were the last words I heard before that person raised that gun to my head and pulled the trigger. I didn’t even get to hear the bang. I didn’t feel the burn on my forehead where the bullet pierced through it. I didn’t get anything.

It was a numbing experience.

All I had in my mind at that time was just one question.

“Why?”

And then I woke up. Cold sweat running down my forehead. I felt it for any signs of burning holes. But as expected, there were none. It was only a dream.

I was left confused, scared and a little angry.

Just when I found someone who liked me, that person killed me. Go figure.

Maybe everything is just meant to be.

Would it be just a dream. Or reality. Everything happens for a reason.

~~------------------------------------------------------------------------~~

Okay so sorry for the long wait. I’ve been extra busy + lazy this last couple of weeks. As usual, with school and life. So this is the end of the dream story. I know it’s lame and totally unoriginal and the ending was just plain weird but it’s the truth.

The real full story.

I may have changed it up a bit along the way to suit my ‘horrible’ English but the main point is still the same. Whatever that main point is anyway.

Okay it’s getting late now. Better go to bed. Hope you like the story guys. Sorry for the long wait. See ya guys.

P/S: To that who might be concern, if you’re reading this, which I really doubt now since you already said you don’t read my blog anymore, I don’t know if you were just joking around or you were being serious that time but just so you know, please, if you do read this, believe me that I was playing around that time.

What I said was true, yes, but not in the way you might think. I miss talking with you. And joking about random stuffs. Heck I can’t even remember what we used to chat about.

Anyway please understand. I still think of you as a friend. I just hope you still think of me as one as well.

Okay it’s really late. Gotta go now. Take care guys.

The Dream

2009-04-20T00:24:00.001+08:00

I think I just lost a good friend because of this.

Okay I’m just gonna make this short. Here’s the story of my dream on my birthday. It might come true. It might not. But seeing as I just ruined the chances of it happening, I guess it’s going to remain just that. A dream.

I only told this story to two people. Two of my friends. One is an old friend whom I’ve told most of my stories. Be it true stories or just stories that I made up. And the other…

I don’t know anymore. I just hope we’re still friends. We just began to be friends this year. And we were getting pretty close. Or I wouldn’t have shared this story. I just hope things between us doesn’t get too weird to the point of us not speaking again. Just because of this story. I want things to go back to the way it used to be. This was just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything. I hope you know that.

That is, of course, if you’re reading this anyway. If not, then…
I guess it’s been swell to know you after all this time.

I only told those two. But be aware that that story was not the full version. I only told you two a part of the story. And the way it progresses. The actual story is… slightly different.

So the story. The dream story. Sorry if I was a little late in posting this. I wanted to put this up before but something came up. Anyway here’s the true full version of it. This is the first time I wrote a story in about two years. So be nice.

Grab a comfy chair, take a cupcake and read on.

It was late in the afternoon. Maybe about an hour before the sun would set. That was what we’ve been waiting for all this time.

It was just after the big exam. Gone like the wind were the stress and frustration. Everything that relates to school, books and exam papers were soon forgotten.

We, my friends and I, decided to make a gathering so we could all enjoy the freedom together. Or at least tried to make one. It was one of those last minute type of parties. We sent messages through SMS, emails, instant messages and even on Facebook.

The rules were simple.
We would have the gathering at the beach so casual wear were to be expected.
So no fuss on what to wear. Come in ragged clothes for all we care.
Everyone have to bring food and drinks. No food/drinks, don’t even bother coming.
The last and most important rule, we were to have some serious fun.

Simple enough, right?

Invitations were sent to everyone. And everyone came.
Everyone was there. Ex-PAPians, ex-PJNers, SMSAkies and even the scholarshippers came. Everyone who knew everyone was there. No one was left out. We were finally free. We were finally together. We were finally one.

And it was fun.

Everyone was chatting. Everyone was laughing. Everyone was playing.
Everyone was having fun without a care in the world. It was still a wonder just a few weeks before that, we were having our exams. Exams that would truly decide our fates from then on. Looking at this scene before me, it almost felt like watching...

It felt like watching a group of children playing.

I don’t know how. I don’t know why. But then everyone started to move towards the water. Some were running. Some were walking. But everyone was moving nonetheless.

Except me.

I decided to stay behind. I guess I just wanted some peace and quiet. So I picked a nice piece of log on the beach and sat down, facing the endless sea and my friends playing.

It was nice.

I looked up to the sky and basked in the warm light. The cool feeling of the wind blowing past me, filling the scene. Lost in the sounds of the crashing waves and the laughter of stress-free friends.

At first it was like a big group but as my friends move closer to the water, they began to move apart. Some in groups of twos. Others in groups of fours or fives. Little by little, everyone was by themselves again. Laughing and playing in the water.

It was as if everything was perfect. Well, almost perfect anyway.

Why almost, you ask?

Because even with all the fun and games, even with all the laughter and joy, I still felt something different. Yes, I was happy. And yet, I felt sad.

Maybe because I was alone. Maybe seeing all my friends having fun without me, left me all by myself. Maybe it was because of this, I felt sad?

Or maybe, just maybe, it was because of something else.

I sat there. All alone and sad. And yet happy and relieved, watching my friends having fun, splashing about in the water, having the time in their life, together.

I sat there. Busy with my own thoughts. Thinking about how much fun my friends were having. And I was thinking about my life. What it represented. What it means to this people I called my friends. What I’ve been doing with it up till that moment in time.

Have I been doing the right thing all this time?
Is this the life that I’m supposed to live?
Is this what I want?

I kept thinking about these questions in my head. Over and over again. And to each of these questions, I could only come up with one answer.

I am not sure.

It wasn’t because the questions were hard or difficult to understand. In fact, they were easy. Too easy to get them wrong. I guess I haven’t reach that time in my life when I could just simply give an answer to those age old questions.

As I sat there, I felt a presence. It wasn’t like a ghost or anything bad. But somehow I felt someone standing me. Looking at me. Next thing I knew, my ears were being pulled.

“Hehe. Sorry man. I had to snap you out of that trance. You looked like so serious there. C'mon. You should be having fun. It’s because of you we finally got the chance to meet today. Now smile, man!”

It was someone I knew. A close friend maybe. But I wasn’t sure. I didn’t quite look at who it was. That person sat down next to me. Looking at our friends and smiling at them. I just continued to sit there quietly, on that log. And as if by an unseen force, I began to smile.

“There you go. Hehe. Man, you seriously should stop being so tense and emo. Relax. It’s nice day to have some fun. Anyway why are you here and not there?”

That person pointed towards the sea and the scene where my friends were obviously having fun. I said that I just wanted some peace and quiet. That I wanted to think. I wonder why I didn’t say the real reason I was sitting there. And then I asked the same question back. I asked for a reason why was that person sitting there, instead of playing with our friends.

“Well, I saw you here all alone, with your usual serious expression. And I thought you could use some company. But if you don’t want me here, then I guess I could just go…”

Before that person could leave, I quickly grabbed that person’s arm and pulled it back down.

“Hahaha ouch. Break off my arm, why don’t you? Hehe. Anyway, I could use some peace and quiet too. I think I had too much to drink there.”

That person suddenly grabbed hold of my shoulder, bracing as if disoriented. But the smile and soft laughter, made the ‘act’ funny than being serious.

“And besides… I wanted to be with you.”

Hearing that, the part of me that felt sad up to that point, just faded away.

Hahaha I think that’s enough for now. I’ll continue the story another time. It was getting a little too long anyway. Don’t wanna bore you guys, now do I? Xp

Anyway I hope you like reading it until the end of this post. Coz I really do like writing it. Makes me want to write more. Lol Xp

So I guess this is the end for now. Look out for part two, okay guys? See you next time. Xp

Presents

2009-04-19T19:48:00.001+08:00

I hate this. I just wrote an uber long post about my birthday. And even wrote a story here.
And my laptop called it quits on me. It just freezed and restarted by itself. I mean, ‘what the…’

I didn’t even get to save what I just wrote. Dammit. Things like this seriously makes me want to take a rock and smash everything in front of me. Or take everything and smash it all on a rock. Whichever is more quicker. Sigh.

I’m in no mood to re-write everything from my lost post. I don’t even remember what I just wrote. So I’m just going to write things down as it comes to mind. I apologize if I seem to come off as rude in this post. It’s only because I’m tired and irritated. If it weren’t for the sudden ‘defense mechanism’ of my ‘hi-tech laptop’, I’d be in a much better mood.

Okay skipping the introduction and straight to the point. Presents. Didn’t get that much presents this year. Presents from my friends. Presents from my family. Not that many. But it doesn’t mean I’m not grateful.

In fact, I am. I am grateful for everything. I guess I just got my hopes up too high. I thought since it was my 18th birthday, I would get something special this year. But nope. Nothing special. Just the usual stuffs. Oh well. Better something than nothing. Right?

So starting from my friends’ presents.

Or should I say, my friend’s present. I think only one of my close friends gave me one. A big chocolate bar. Well, not that big. But it is big. You get the point.

Cadbury Daily Milk Black Forest. Yummy.

Of which, by the way, I haven’t even started eating yet. Well at least, at current time anyway. I’d probably finished eating it by the time you read this post. So yea… no chocolate for you. Wooo~ hahaha Xp

Anyway, thanks for that, Miji.
Thanks for giving me the chocolate. It means a lot. You’re my buddy.
As for the rest, where’s my present? *serious face*

Kidding. I understand. With all the hectic times and everything. Everyone’s busy fighting against the exam fever that’s going around this week. I’m busy too with my own revision. So yea I understand. But I am grateful for all the birthday greetings. You actually took time from your busy schedules and greeted me here, Facebook, MSN and even texted me on that day. Even those who were late in greeting me on my birthday, I am grateful for that. I couldn’t ask for better friends.

Well I could ask for better friends who would actually give me presents but I guess you have everything, right? Hahaha kidding. Sigh…

Okay so next up is presents from my family. Like I said earlier, not that much. Just the usual gifts. My parents gave me money for my birthday which I always look forward to every year. So I was pretty happy about that. Money which I already spent to buy stuffs. I love money by the way. If you didn’t know. My eyes will go ching-ching-kaching every time I see money. No lie. Xp

My sis bought me stuffs when she was in KL last time.

Stuffs like biscuits, cookies, etc. Basically all those yummy treats. I like yummy treats too. Besides than money. Especially Marks & Spencer biscuits. So next time you guys go to a Marks & Spencer, remember me okay? *nudges you*

She also bought me this nice perfume. I think it’s called ‘Jean-Paul Gaultier Le Male’.

Basically a perfume for males. Just in case you didn’t get it.
Anyway it’s nice. Nice bottle. Nice fragrance. Nice price too. So overall, it was a pretty nice gift.
I like perfumes by the way. And I like stripes. Stripes are hot. Hahaha Xp

Jean-Paul Gaultier ‘Le Male’

Okay what else… oh yea, along with the perfume and the cookies and the treats, she also gave me a really cool shirt and some pajamas. Yeah you read it right. Pajamas. Seriously. Don’t get me wrong. Pajamas are nice and comfy and soft to the skin (LOL Xp) but it’s just not for me.

When she gave them to me, I was like, ‘what the…’
And she was like, ‘Take it… now.’ , in an almost threatening way too.
Then I was like, ‘…okay.’

So yea… I wore it that night. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Nothing bad happened to me. No weird rashes. No unexplainable incidents. No nothing. I was okay. Go figure.

So here’s a pic of me wearing it. Don’t laugh. I suck when it comes to self-cam. Not to mention the overwhelming feeling of dorkiness washing over me. I mean when I was looking at myself with the mirror, my whole being screamed ‘dork’. I felt like a kid.

I mean the last time I wore PJs was when I was… seven years old? I usually go to bed in just a simple T-shirt and shorts. Or just shorts sometimes, when things get a little too hot to handle. Xp

But it’s okay. I like it. It’s stripey-ish. So it’s okay.

Anyway, I’m grateful to everyone for this special day. Even if I didn't get that many presents this year, I was happy. It’s not what people give you that is important, but the thoughts that went with it. So yea… for that, I thank you guys.

Umm. All happiness and gratitude aside, sadness still managed to creep that day. I’m sad that I couldn’t spend my 18th birthday with the people that truly matter to me. At least, not with everyone. Some of you might know what I’m talking about here. Sigh…

Okay that’s the end about the presents thing. Now on to the real ‘gift’ of that night. The dream.

I don’t believe in premonitions, visions or anything like that. You know how some people sometimes say that dreams are messages, visions, predictions or whatever about the future. I don’t believe in those kinda stuffs. It’s just stupid superstitions. If it actually happens, then it is just purely coincidence. Nothing supernatural. Just a normal thing. Dreams are just as real as déjà vu.

I know for a fact that this particular dream, no matter how real it felt at the time, is not going to happened. I know it’s going because it is truly impossible and insane and just plain weird. And I think I just crushed the chances of it actually happening because of last night.

Yeah something happened last night, and the chances of the dream actually fulfilling is zero. So yea… so much for this dream. Oh well. Doesn’t mean I can’t tell what it is about, right?

Anyway this post is getting a little too long. I’ll continue the dream story on my next post.
Right after this. So stay tuned. See you guys.

My Birthday

2009-04-18T22:54:00.001+08:00

Okay finally a text update. I’m really sorry for the long delay. Been a bit busy these days.
With all the exam fever going about, you know?
Anyway I’m here now and hopefully I can stay for awhile. Xp

Since it’s been awhile since I wrote anything here, this post is gonna be a little longer than usual.
So bear with me for now, okay?

Okay so I’ve been busy with school, life and other stuffs. School’s been hell. Like literally.
Exam fever in the air. It all began the beginning of this week.

On Monday.
The thirteen.
Of April.

Yeah… *kills myself*

Anyway. Coincidentally, on this ‘oh-so-wonderful’ day is…
Well, ‘was’ anyway…

It was also my birthday. On Monday, the 13th of April.
So yeah. My feelings on that day was a bit mixed.
From both happiness and sadness.
Happy because I’m still here and healthy. Happy because I still have my friends.
Friends who wished me happy birthday that day. Even those who were late in greeting me.

Thanks for everything guys. The birthday greetings, the memories, everything. It means a lot.
I appreciate it. I really do. So yea thanks for that. I love you guys. Xp

As for the sad part… Well I’m sad I couldn’t spend my birthday with someone special this year. It’s lame but it’s true. I want to spend, at least, my birthday with someone special. Anyone who means a lot to me. I guess I’m just not that lucky this year. Better try next time, right?

But the most important reason I’m sad is because I couldn’t spend it with the people that truly matter to me. And that is my family. Not everyone was there to celebrate it with me.
Some of you would know who I’m talking about here.

Sigh. Anyway, the past is the past, right? There’s no need to dwell on something you can’t ever have again. Sometimes it’s just better to learn to let things go.

Anyway, I’m going to post something else after this. Like birthday presents and other stuffs. So wait for it soon, okay?

See you guys.

Scenes of Daily Life

2009-04-12T21:33:00.001+08:00

“Looking forward to the meal.”

“Watch out for the hammer of judgement.”

“Smile”

“Busy times…”

“Rocking out to the silent music”

I like this pic. “Photographer living the dream.”

Last of the best pics of that day. “The Rough Pages of My Story Book.”

It’s Debating Time

2009-04-12T20:23:00.001+08:00

The best two pictures on that day

Memories of the Night

2009-04-12T19:50:00.001+08:00

Coming Soon

2009-04-05T15:03:00.001+08:00

Will update soon. Guys, wait for me. :)

Broken heart. Broken ties. Broken Strings…

2009-03-26T20:22:00.001+08:00

I don’t know why I still feel this way. But I do.
I thought I was gonna be okay. But I’m not.
I thought things were going to be different this time around. But I guess it didn’t.

I guess it wasn’t the right time. I guess it wasn’t fate. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
Nothing is, I guess.

Get over it man!

You’ll find someone. Don’t give up just because of this. You’re still young. You still have a long road ahead of you.
Keep your chin up. And don’t give up.
Move on. Move on. Move on until you find your special one.

Easier sad than done, right? *weak smile*

This was one of the few songs I really like last year. The lyrics speak true to how I feel.
I found it about 5 minutes ago while I was browsing through my music folder.
Listening to it really hit home.

It made me remember how I felt last year. And how I feel right now.

Now, I can’t stop listening to it.

Water keeps on flowing. With nothing to hold them back. Try hard as I may, they still fall.

I know I’ll get over it. Eventually.
I just hope I’ll get over it soon.

Here’s the lyrics to the song.
‘Broken Strings’ by James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado.

Let me hold you
For the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can’t feel anything

When I love you
It’s so untrue
I can’t even convince myself
When I’m speaking
It’s the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it’s not enough
To make it all okay

You can’t play on broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh the truth hurts
A lie is worse
I can’t like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there’s nothing left to save
It’s like chasing the very last train
When it’s too late

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it’s not enough
To make it all okay

You can’t play our broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can’t like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

But we’re running through the fire
When there’s nothing left to say
It’s like chasing the very last train
When we both know it’s too late

You can’t play our broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can’t like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh and I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It’s the last change to feel again

I just hope I’ll be okay.

Hanging Out

2009-03-26T10:46:00.001+08:00

Okay hey guys. I woke up late today. And I was crying. Like really really crying. I dunno what or why I cried.
Haha nah... maybe my allergies were acting up again. I was kinda worried though.
My eyes were like all red and puffy. Kinda freaked me out, looking at a mirror yeh?
Anyway I'm okay now. No more crying. Yeah...

So I was supposed to post this up yesterday but as usual…
The connection. Don’t get me started on that.

Anyway, what happened yesterday.
No. I’m asking you. What happened yesterday?
Coz I don’t remember a thing.

Okay that’s a joke. A joke, people. Laugh!

Okay. Lame. And random. Sigh.

Okay so I didn’t do much yesterday except watch movies, read my Pendragon book, and… listening again to the Slumdog Millionaire.
I really like the soundtrack in that movie. Very moving. Xp

Anyway… so Miji came yesterday. Yeah so he helped me with my ‘little problem’.
Hahaha thanks Miji. That means alot. I owe you. Oh and thanks for the stories. I didn’t know.
I’m still trying to wrap my head on that. Hahaha I need proof, Miji.

So yea. Here’s some of the pictures we took yesterday. And this marks the first time I posted pictures on this new layout and I hope it goes well. Lol

Anyway enjoy them guys. And see you guys. Xp

Major Blackout

2009-03-24T08:35:00.001+08:00

Okay so I’m having a bit of a blackout crisis right now. And I was just starting to enjoy my nap.

It was still early. About 6++pm and I was on my bed. With my lappy playing one of my current favorite song in the playground.

Wait. WTH. Playground?? *in the background. Hahah Sorry. That was weird. I’m too lazy to press backspace button. Adds a bit of humour there.

Lol again lame attempt to be funny. Sorry.

Anyway…
So since it’s a blackout, and I don’t have anything better to do. So I’m gonna take this chance to tell you guys what I did yesterday.

I was really really happy yesterday. I dunno why.
Maybe it was because of the mocha chocolate freez with extra extra whipped cream and milo dustings on top I had.
Or maybe it was because of something else??

Anyway I went to Miri yesterday with my sisters. Actually I didn’t to go since I was really down and tired because of what happened the night before.
But try and try and try as I may, something compelled me to carry my big butt out of my bed, into the shower, into my really pink shirt lol and into my sis car.
I dunno what compelled me to do those things. But I sure am grateful. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be as happy as I would last night. Xp

Okay so we went to alot of different places. Well… not alot. The stores were the usual places we always go to everytime we go to Miri.

Anyway, at Miri, at one or more of the usual stores we went to yesterday, I bought four things.
Four things that I have been looking for weeks. Months. I finally found them. Wohoo~ haha Well actually it’s three things. One is more of a bonus kinda thing. Lol

Okay first things first. the 1st item.
Drum rolls plz~

Aaaaaaaaaand my lappy just went dead. Haha the battery is dead. Lol
Due to excessive used and the blackout, resulting in very low battery life. Sigh.

Oh well, anyway sorry I couldn’t post anything up last night.
Obviously, the blackout was last night and I’m continuing this post today at freaking 5 in the morning.

I think the power went on like 45 mins later last night *correct me if I’m wrong*
I slept early last night. About 9pm so-so. Not sure.
I couldn’t even check my hp for the time. That thing died on me too.
Can’t charged. No electricity. Damn…

Anyway back to the long-lost-items-that-I’ve-been-looking-for thing…
Drum rolls plz~
majal… Sigh…

So the first item.
I know this is going to sound so lame but… I just found, bought, watched, and listened to repeatedly the new Westlife Croke Park Concert DVD.
Haha lame isn’t it?

But it’s true.
I’ve been a Westlife fan since I don’t know when. Maybe it’s because of their song "’Flying Without Wings” that got me so hooked. It was most definitely the first English song I’ve ever heard and/or understand that I could remember. The song was released in 1999 so that makes me… 8 years old?

Haha yea.

Anyway I was looking for this DVD for so long. It marks the 10 year anniversary of Westlife. I mean it’s been 10 years?? That’s a long time man. I wish you Westlife guys the best of luck and another 10 years of success. Xp

Okay the next one, the 2nd item.
Drum rolls plz~
banar tah… majal kn drum drum sja. haha

I just bought the new Pendragon: Before the War book. Hahah it’s amazing man. I finally found the book at Miri after so long. Xp

If you’re not familiar with this series, you get out there and buy a copy of Pendragon: Merchant Death. It’s a must read guys.

This book I just bought is like a spin-off of the original series. It tells the stories the lives of the other travelers before they met Bobby Pendragon. This particular book, which is the first book of the Before the War series, tells the stories of Kasha, the leopard traveler from Eelong, Gunny, the Bell Captain from First Earth and finally Spader, the aquaneer from Cloral.
This book will explain the lives of these travelers before they met Pendragon. How their lives used to be. And did it turned from the better or for the worst.

Okay the next one, the 3rd item.
Well… to be honest, didn’t really like search for this as much as the other three but it is still a good find. It’s a piano tutorial book. Teaches how to play the piano and stuffs. It even came with a DVD so I guess that’d help a lot when I learn.

Hehe yeah I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the piano since I was a kid but never got to learn how. Over the years I’ve been teaching myself how to play by reading online lessons, following tutorial vids at youtube, all those stuffs. But I lack the motivation to pursue the piano.

The piano is not that hard to learn. All you need is a clear understanding of the keys and chords and music pieces and learn how to blend all those into one.
Haha stahu ku ah. But basically that’s how I see it.

Okay last one. The 4th item.
Piano keys plz~ Xp

umm… Let it be a secret…
Esehh hehe Xp

Okay this post is becoming a bit too long for my taste so yea gona stop here for now.
Thanks guys for listening to my post blackout ramblings. See ya guys Xp

Finally updated

2009-03-11T16:47:00.001+08:00

Okay here goes. Hey guys. It’s been awhile. I’m sorry. Been busy juggling between my school and social lives. Or lack of it.

So how long has it been? A week?
More or less yeh? Sorry for the lack of updates people.
Like I said before, been busy. Been lazy. When I did wanted to post something up, my internet connection can be a bit bitchy sometimes.

Haha yeah lame, I know… Sigh. X)

Okay so… The week I’ve been ‘away’ – which was last week? This week? Whatever…

There wasn’t anything much happening. The usual I guess. Wake up at 5am. Shower. School. Sleep.

Blah blah blah…

I mean I do have updates.

Cool updates.

But… just not the things that are worth to blog about. Besides I don’t to bore you guys with the details right?

Okay my life has been turn. For the better. And for the worse. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but I do like the change. My life has been totally turned upside down since my last post.

Since my juniors started school last week, I met new and interesting people. I made great friends. With the new batch and my batch. So I guess that’s an upside.

But…
Yeah there’s a but…

I just found that some of my friends are… less of a friend.

I guess they just pretended to be my friends? I don’t know.

I don’t mind actually. Don’t get me wrong. I am a bit taken aback by this fact. But I don’t really care about it. Not anymore anyway. I stopped caring about anything along time ago. Fake friends are friends too. Even if they are fake…

Lol emo…

I’m not talking about you guys of course. You guys are fabulous. You guys are always here when I needed someone to talk to. I thank you guys for that.

Well… unless of course some of you guys felt offended by this in any way. Then you’re probably one of those fake friends.

DJim: Hey my very good friend!!
*sarcastic* Sorry Xp

Anyway…
let’’s talk about something else.
Umm…

So I’ve changed my layout again. Woohooo~
hahaha lambat…

With every new layout I seek, I’m looking for a new path in my life.

With every new layout I find, I’m hoping for a new beginning.

With every new layout I used, I’m starting a new life.

Esehhh jiwang jua… Lol Anyway I hope it’s not that hard to navigate through. It took me awhile to rearrange all the stuffs here. And I’m still not happy with it. Sigh.

Okay that’s it for now. Gonna post something up by tonight.
Promise.

See ya guys. Remember, you guys are fabulous. Hahaha sigh…

Orientation

2009-03-07T22:29:00.001+08:00

Malas ku kn reupload di sini lagi.

For you guys yang mau liat the pix from the orientation for the junior batch ‘09
just go here. Pandai pandai tah kmu mencari di sana.
I’m really not in the mood anymore.

Just when I thought today was going to be awesome and everything…
Shit like that happened. Entah eh. Sasakku dh.

I only updated now sebab ku janji ku post the pictures.
Besides that, nada ku update hari ne.

Fuck! Bh mental ku lagi karang. That’s all.

Emo Friday: Trust

2009-03-07T00:39:00.001+08:00

I know I don’t have to double post for this week.
But I felt obliged to do this since my last post was kind of short and stuffs.
So yeah here’s another poem I found awhile back as well.

trust in me
cause i know the pain

trust in me
cause i know the cold nights

trust in me
cause i know the loneliness

trust in me
cause i know my heart

trust in me
cause i know my soul

trust in me
cause i know what i give

trust in me
cause i know who i am

trust in me
cause i know what i want

trust in me
cause i know i can trust you

The reason I’m posting this one now is because…
I don’t know why. I guess I’m feeling a bit emo right now. Heh.

Yeah. The topic for this one is trust.
I used to felt that I couldn’t trust anyone.
Not my family. Not my friends. Not anyone.

I always felt that if I told someone about my secrets,
that he/she will spread my secrets to everyone else.
That I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I know what you’re probably thinking right now.
That it is stupid to shut it all in just because of a stupid paranoia.

But I have to tell you now.
That it is not stupid.
It is being cautious. Being careful.

I once told a secret to a very close friend.
My friend kept it just like they said they would.
But then… things changed.

Everything changed. Me. My friend. Everything just… fell apart between us.
I didn’t know how but I do have the feeling I know why.

There are things that I’ve done in the past that I’m not proud of.
The times when I considered myself weak.
Things that I am ashamed to admit.

And I told them to someone.
Someone I trust.
Someone I trusted.

I guess it’s normal for me, for anyone basically, to have this kind of feeling.
The feeling of mistrust.
The feeling of betrayal.
The feeling of being banished.

Anyway I think I’m getting too deep into this.
I really should stop doing that. Hehe yea…

Anyway I guess that’s it. I’ll post something upbeat by today.
And when I say today, I mean today today.
It’s already past midnight. Going to sleep guys.

See ya next time Xp Bye.

…m(‘ … ‘)m…

Emo Friday: Hate

2009-03-07T00:06:00.001+08:00

I’m really tired and I really really need to get some sleep.
Thankfully there weren’t any hw (I think)

I’m not really emo this week. Alot of fun things happened so…
That pretty much kept me from being ‘too’ emo for awhile.

Alot of things happened this week. Mostly about the juniors entering the school.
No more PS at the canteen. No more walking in the hallways comfortably.
No more lazying about without juniors watching.

Sigh it’s hard being a senior…

Anyway I guess I’m just gona stop here for Emo Friday this week.
I’ll you guys with this poem I found on the internet awhile back.

Obviously I was emo at the time. I mean I was looking for a poem like this.

Anyway hope you read it and understand the meaning behind it.

It’s a simple poem but it speaks the truth and straight to the point.
Bear in mind, I ‘used’ to feel like this awhile back.
I think it was last year that we… when this happened…
Yeah at least the ‘thing’ that made me feel this way is over now.
Me and my friend has somewhat made peace with it.

At least I think we did. Oh well. Read on and I bid you guys goodbye Xp

~~----------------------------------------------------------------~~

You have got every reason to hate me
You must open your eyes and then you will to see
Hate me for the way I have talked
The way I irritated you when I laughed

I had been the reason to bring you those tear
I wasn't there for you whenever you felt fear
Hate for the way I made you cry
for those moments when I tried to lie

Hate me for the time I was not around
Hate me for making those weird sound
Hate me for the way I had abandoned you
What happened between us was nothing new

Hate me for the way I made you feel
I’m not the person who brings you zeal
Hate me for my being so bad
Without any fault I made you feel sad

Hate me for being so selfish at the time
The way I put the phone when you said the fault was mine
Hate me for being so careless
The way I bring everything to a mess

Hate me for being so late
Hate me coz I never cared for you on that date
Hate me for whatever I am
I’m surely not the one you call a gem

Hate me for whatever reason you want
I'll give you the reason for the hate you want

~~----------------------------------------------------------------~~

The english is simple, like I said. But I like it.
A lil lame. I know. X)

If anyone felt offended by this, please don’t.
Coz it’s probably not you guys.
I doubt my ‘friend’ knows that I have this blog so yea…

Anyway that’s it for Emo Friday this week. Sorry for the long wait.
See ya guys *weak smile*

…m(‘ … ‘)m…

Are leaders born or made?

2009-02-28T00:21:00.001+08:00

This is for my GP essay. Read and comment please. Thanks. Xp

Are leaders born or are they made? Or maybe both?
This could be one of the most significant questions that have ever been asked throughout history. Many believe that leaders are born and not made. The truth is that sometimes this ‘popular’ belief is used just as an excuse to justify their lack of leadership qualities. All of us have the ability to change our beliefs, our behavior and our personalities. All of us have the ability to become leaders. We just need to know how.

Every single individual is born as equals, no matter who they are or where they are from. Every single one of us is born with similar traits and characteristics that are closely tied to leadership. The only fundamental factor, that decides whether we are fit to lead others or not, is how we harness those special traits.

It should be clear that a person cannot be born as a ‘real’ leader. Logically speaking, one can be born with unique skills that can help shape a leader but it is almost certain that one cannot be a leader with only skills alone. They are within us and for most people, they stay within. Such skills include confidence, passion and the willingness to learn from mistakes. Take communications for an example. It takes work and comes easier for someone with a gift for expression and listening.

Now, this is not to imply that leaders and everyone else should stop in developing whatever skills they might possess. The point is that not everyone has the talent to be a leader without the proper training or practice. These skills need to be developed just from the main fact that things and times changes. A person’s personality constantly changes from the very moment they say their first words until the moment they take their last breath. They can be changed base on the influence from the environment and family they were born in. The key is to recognize where your limits are and work around them without developing non-leadership aspects.

Leaders are born and not made in the sense that only a handful of people have the motivation to become leaders by continually striving to improve the natural talents they were born with. Being born with leadership qualities doesn’t automatically mean they will be a good leader any more than Beethoven was born able to compose a musical piece. Not everyone can be leaders without hard work and dedication.

Therefore, the argument whether leaders are born or made does not take into account the effects of experience on our personalities, behavior and basically ‘us’ in general.

Regardless of their characteristics or personality, some people are born into positions of leadership. Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei and Prince William of England are examples of leaders who are born into power. They are exposed to situations where they are needed to act as leaders, causing them to be influential and in their own rights.

On the same light, by comparing a person who is musically inclined with one who is tone-deaf, the individual will progress faster than the one who is tone-deaf even when they undergo the same training. Although the tone-deaf individual may improve to some extent, the talented individual’s progress would be more obvious. This is the same with leadership. People who are born with the talent to be a leader are easy to distinguish. A person’s personality is the perfect combination of psychological qualities that affects how they interact with others.

Leadership is a skill and a habit. It improves with practice. As we improved, we worry less on the technicalities and focus more on the result to be achieved.

The same goes for personality. It is a set of responses that have become habits. Faced with a challenge, we try to respond. If it works, we remember it and we use it again. Slowly it becomes a habit if we use it often enough. Take any sets of habits and we can form our own special approach to life. Every individual should strive to their fullest potential.

It is true that people can be trained to be leaders but more often than none, these people pales in comparison with those who have natural leadership talents. It is not the training that produces a leader, but rather it is the hidden potential a person has that help make the leader.

Therefore, in a sense, people are born to be leaders. But only with experience and practice will they become great leaders.

Emo Friday: Pain

2009-02-28T00:19:00.001+08:00

What is pain? What does pain mean? What does pain represent?

Have you ever been in pain? A pain so bad you wish it would just stop?
Not a physical pain but more of an inner pain. A wound so deep it feels like it’s coming from deep down? That no amount of bandages or stitches could ever fix?

Pain is special. It is special from other emotions. Sometimes it can take a form of happiness and yet more often than none, it takes the form of sadness. Loneliness, depression, even love brings pain. Almost every feelings that ever existed is closely associated pain. In one way or another.

Some say it’s a part of life. A part of living. A part of being human. A part of us.
But it’s also a part of death.

Every time we feel pain…
Every time we see pain…
Every time we inflict pain…
A part of us dies with it.

Everyone feels pain. Everyone sees pain. Everyone inflicts pain.
Nobody can escape from this feeling. Not you. Not me. Not anyone.

~~-------------------------------------------------------------~~

Pain we encounter our whole lives through in differing degrees,
Pain can plague our bodies from our head down through our knees

Way on down to feet and toes, our limbs, our every part,
Inside, outside, every place; but none worse than the heart.

Some suffer stronger, deeper pain, and some a lighter ache,
Some need strong medication, others an aspirin take.

But when the pain is caused by loss and radiates from the heart
There is no medication; nothing to stop you falling apart.

Your confidence is shaken and your whole world caving in,
Your clouded mind can’t fathom it… your new day can‘t begin,

The heartache travels through the mind, then on down to the soul,
Then to the eyes so sore from tears that you cannot control.

Sobbing makes your tummy hurt, you feel the future’s bleak,
Your throat gets sore, your tongue is tied as tears roll down your cheek.

So never walk away from one who cherished and adored
Your every move, your every word… don’t hurt them with a word.

For one day they may not be there to show your feelings to,
They may have left for other lands, to wander pastures new,

So cherish every single friend and never leave their side,
Hold them to your heart each day, whisper your love and confide.

~~-------------------------------------------------------------~~

Okay so pain yeah…
Lol my emoness is pretty much gone by now since I’m feeling a bit better than this morning. XP Let’s cut to the chase.

First of all… umm…
Right. I think it was on Wednesday. I was coming back home from a friend’s house and as I was walking outside towards the door, I stepped on a bone.

Yeah a bone. A fish bone. Freaky.

It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Even though it like literally pierced into my heel (yeah that’s where I stepped on the bone) about 1.0 inch. Measure it with your ruler. It’s not short. Luckily it didn’t hit any blood vessels down there.

Maybe I was numb from the pain or something. You know, when you’re hurt, your body gives out endorphines(sp?) to kill off the pain I think.

Anyway I slowly pulled it out and all this blood started to rush out of my foot.
Well maybe not that much. But still, I was losing blood.

Since it didn’t hurt that much, I just shrugged it off as a bad scratch. Xp
Boy, was I wrong.

The next day, I woke up to a sharp pain in my foot with the ‘bad scratch’.
It wasn’t exactly swollen but there was a small bump. Haha I ended up limping for the rest of the day. I guess it wasn’t that obvious since nobody ask me about it.

Oh well.

A lot of things happened yesterday. Unlucky things. Like my books, my pens, my bag. They all fell. I don’t know if it’s gravity changing or me just being clumsy. Haha And I nearly trip when I was climbing down the stairs. That was crazy.

I mean I was practically holding the railings for dear life and my heart was beating dangerously fast. It took me awhile to calm down. Dramatic huh?

I conclude that maybe yesterday was just one of those days. Hehe Anyway I guess that’s it. Till next Emo Friday, bye.

…m(‘ … ‘)m…

Updates?

2009-02-27T23:27:00.001+08:00

I know it’s Friday and I should be posting about Emo Friday. Don’t worry. I’ll get to it in a second. Lol right after this short post.

Okay so updates. Haha I don’t really have a lot of time. So this is gonna be one really short but ‘informative’ post. Yeah I’m typing without thinking here. Xp So please don’t hate me for the broken english. I’m just writing what pops into my head the moment. I hope I don’t get any spellings wrong. Coz I want to get this over with and get back to my work.

Okay first things first, let’s flashback to last Sunday.

Yup last Sunday. Haha

Anyway last Sunday I went to Miri. No reason actually. My sisters and I decided to go there since it’s been awhile since we’ve gonna there together. So yea we went there quite late. Well it was late for us since we usually go around noon. It was already 2pm that time I think.

Anyway, so yea we went to the usual places. Imperial plaza, Bintang plaza, Boulevard, the really cool gifts/toys/bookshop behind GMart(sp?), etc.

Then we decided to go to Secret Recipe. It’s this really nice cake shop. We’ve never been to that store yet ever so yeah it was a first. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been to a Secret Recipe cake shop. Just not in Miri. I think it was when I was in Kuala Lumpur.

But that’s besides the point. So yeah we went inside, and there were a lot, and I mean A LOT, of people inside. Thankfully the counter was pretty empty of customers except for one married couple (I think…) and me and my sisters since the rest were already sitting and enjoying their cakes.

I think one group of customers were eating TWO WHOLE CAKES. I guess they were maybe having a somewhat ‘small’ birthday bash. Happy Birthday to whoever on that sunday.

Yeah, random. I know.

Anyway I originally wanted to buy the Chocolate Indulgence (name?) but my sis was going to buy it so I could just get a bite from hers. I wanted to eat the peach one but it wasn’t ‘available’. Bummer for me.

So I ended up picking the Classic Cheese. We had them as takeaways since it was already late and we had to go home.

The cake was really creamy and yummy and delicious. I hope i don’t get fat from eating it. Although it has been almost five days since. Who knows right? Maybe it takes awhile to kick in?? lol

Anyway it was a heck lot of fun. I was a little happier that day. Dunno why. Oh well… So what did I buy that day?

I bought the cake… what else? Oh yea. I also bought an origami book. And it is SO HARD!!! Like I was only able to make the first two projects. I didn’t get the third one. No wonder the book was titled ‘ADVANCED ORIGAMI: AN ARTIST’S GUIDE TO PERFORMANCE IN PAPER'. It was seriously advanced. I guess I just have to get better at it.

Ok next item. I bought a bag. A sport brand bag. Not sure if it was Nike or Reebok. I’m more of a Adidas brand user. Oh well. Still cool bag nonetheless.

It cost about Rm200+ I think. It’s about B$100+
I know I know. Expensive jua. lol I used a Malay slang.

Anyway yeah it was a bit pricey. I can still feel the big hole in the wallet. And it was big too. It’s like 1.5 times bigger than the school bag I’m currently using now. Which is Adidas bag BTW. lol

I only used it once. Last Tuesday. But since it’s really expensive. The most expensive out of all my bags. (That I know of anyway) So I decided to use it after the school term holidays next week. So yeah I bought a money biting bag.

And I bought underwear. One of those shorty briefs kinds. But I’m not gonna elaborate on that since I know I have female readers. (adakah?)
They’ll either go ‘ooohh’ or ‘ewwww’. Either way, it wouldn’t be a good reaction. XP

Whew! And that’s only on Sunday. The following days of the weeks weren’t that interesting. Not worth blogging. My country celebrated the 25th National Day on last Monday. So big yeah for that. BRUNEI YAKIN!

So yeah… I guess that’s it then. Next up is Emo Friday: PAIN. Bye guys Xp

The Weekend

2009-02-24T19:16:00.001+08:00

Okay first of all, I just wanna say sorry for the long wait. I know most of you guys were patiently waiting for me to update my blog yesterday, which was Sunday. I know I promised. I’m sorry for disappointing you, my loyal readers.

HAH! Yeah right. Most of you guys were probably waiting for me to upload the pictures from the party. Hehe anyway the long wait is finally over you guys. Below are some of the pictures from the party.

But before that, let me talk about what happened the last few days.

I know most of you guys would probably just skipped through this and go straight to the pictures below by now but I’m gonna say talk anyway.

So yea. It’s the weekend. Well, it *was* the weekend. And to sum it all up in one word: BUSY! Lol Yeah I was so busy from Friday to today, which is Monday.

On Friday, I was so busy doing my homework, assignments, projects or whatever you guys called it. I didn’t even finish them all. I gave up halfway. Xp

On Saturday, school as usual. Not much to say about that.
I originally had two parties that night. Both were birthday parties.
One for one of my closest friends, ZAFIRAH MORSHIDI.

HAPPY LEGAL 18TH BIRTHDAY ZAFFY!
AND MORE LEGALIZED YEARS TO COME!

The other is for one of my newest friends, RYNIE.

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY RYNIE!
NOT YET LEGAL BUT THAT’S OKAY.
ONE MORE YEAR TO GO GIRL! Xp

Anyway so I decided to go to Zaffy’s birthday birthday. I couldn’t come to Rynie’s because of two reasons. Rynie Vs Zaffy:

One - I didn’t have any transport to go there while I could just walk to Zaffy’s since we are practically two houses away.

Yup. It’s that close.

Two – I would be surrounded with strangers or with people I’m not that close with while I would be surrounded with almost all of my closest friends.

Yeah. Big deal. So what if I’m just not that social with strangers. Sigh. lol

So those are the two main reasons for finally going to Zaffy’s. There were probably more than those two but I couldn’t think of any at the moment.

Oh well. Anyway…

Here are the pictures. Sorry for some of the pictures. I don’t know what went wrong that night. My hands were shaking all through. Sigh. Anyway enjoy.
I know you guys were waiting for them all weekend.
So dig in guys!

Again, just wanna say sorry it took me awhile to post these up. Anyway it’s up now so no complaints okay? Xp Bye guys.

Emo Friday: The Beginning

2009-02-20T19:21:00.001+08:00

Ok so a post after a long time.
Thinking about the title of the post?

Since I’m always emo sometimes…
lol how can I ‘always’ be emo ‘sometimes’?? That’s just wrong.

Anyway since I’m emo ‘most of the time’ or whatever, I’m gona post all of my problems every friday every week starting today. Since today… is… friday and all.

Ok lame. I know.

Anyway so yeah… every friday is emo friday. So expect a more or less frequent update from me.

So my problems this week? Hmmm… not all that much actually.
This week was kinda boring. Well except yesterday. I hate yesterday.
Don’t really want to talk about it much since I already babbled(sp?) to my friends about it yesterday. So yea I feel better now.

Hmmm I still haven’t finish the rest of my assignments. I’m pretty much stucked. Don’t know how to do it. I can’t make heads or tails out of them. No matter what I do. So pretty much gave up. For now. Gona try it again later.

So yeah this week, not so much. Don’t know about tomorrow.
Maybe something will happen. So kinda looking forward to that.

Oh yeah finally found the time to do this ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ things.
LOL I have very low LUST. Imagine that. Xp

And here I thought i was into those ‘ecchi’ stuffs.

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Anyway sorry for the lack of updates. Not much worth mentioning in my life.
Everyday is pretty much the same now.
Wake up at 5.30am. Shower. Dress. Eat breakfast. Go to school.
Finished school usually at 2pm or 3.30pm. Arrived home. Sleep for an hour.
Wake up. Find food. Watch tv.
Do assignments at 6pm. Revision at 9pm. Sleep at 11pm-1am.

And then I repeat. Basically that’s my life routine. Boring isn’t it?

So yea that’s it I guess. I’ll update again on Sunday. Promise. Bye guys.
Not in the mood to blog anymore since everybody doesn’t want to talk to me.

P.S. Everyone hates me sooner or later. Maybe not ‘hate’ but 'annoyed’. I know.
I stopped caring a long time ago. No used complaining right?

…m(‘ ... ‘)m…

I feel stupid

2009-02-12T23:19:00.001+08:00

Seriously, I feel stupid. In everything I do. Every single thing.

Okay maybe that’s a little too general. Let me explain why I feel this way.

Basically this week is not a very good week for me.
Heck it’s been a rough couple of weeks.
Everything just did not work the way I wanted it to be.

I’m so f-ing tired. Tired of school. Tired of life. Tired of smiling and laughing and making jokes all the time when in fact, I feel like I just want to run away and hide. Like I want to lock myself away from the world. I just want it all to end.

I know I shouldn’t used the word ‘end’ so casually. But that’s how I feel.
It’s not like I’m going to kill myself or anything like that. I’m not an idiot.

I guess the appropriate word of what I’m feeling right now is that of ‘anger’.

I’m angry. I’m frustrated. And I’m confused.
I might not show it but I’m angry. I’m angry at everyone.
But mostly, I’m angry at myself.

Anyway let’s talk about what is happening in my life right now.
School is the same as always. Always there waiting for me.
Nurturing me to become a better person. A better man.
And yet, why does it always like to torture me?

Why does it continue to haunt me?
To tear at my every piece of sanity with all its words of ‘promise’ and ‘hope’?
Even when you know, deep down, that it’s all for nothing?
That everything you’ve been doing up till now is just a waste?

Why am I still doing this?

I found myself asking that very question each and every time I’m at school. I lost count how many times I try to find what the answer to that question was.
No matter how many ways I think about it, the only answer I can come up with, each and every time I asked myself, is my silence.

Maybe I’m doing this just for the sake of doing it.
Or maybe I’m doing it because I like it.
But not for the reason you might think.

Maybe the reason why I’m still doing this to myself, cold very well be that I like it.
I like the feeling. The feeling of being trapped. The feeling of being controlled. The feeling of frustration creeping up your spine. Maybe I like being stressed out.

Some people can be addicted to the feelings of the body and mind.
The feeling of pain.
The feeling of grief.
The feeling of being alone.

I noticed that some people can be addicted to these things.
Another addiction is the addiction of excitement.
The adrenaline flowing in your body.

You know the feeling. Your heart beating. Your blood pumping. Your palms sweating. Like when you’re riding a rollercoaster.

I guess I’m addicted to stress. I don’t know.

Anyway, school.
Assignments + Tests + Time = Maximum stress mode?
I have so many work to do. From homework to notes.

I have the whole leadership thing, which I haven’t finish yet. Obviously. Duh.
Then there’s Maths. Here comes the stupid part.
When I’m doing the assignment, I feel really dumb.
Like I didn’t learn anything about the assignment.
Like it was a totally new thing.

It’s weird.

The rest of my work is more on arranging all my notes
Then I have to make my own notes.

I know. All I’ve been doing up till now is complain and whine and stuffs when I could have used the time to get my work done instead.

Then I have the whole debate thing again. Seriously. I’m tired of it. I don’t mind researching. It’s interesting and fun and not all that difficult. But when it comes to doing the actual debate, I hate it. Okay, maybe I don’t really hate it but I don’t like it either. It’s a hassle to me. I just want to research. That’s all. If I can’t quit this debate thing, at least let me do something I want to do.

Then there’s this whole deal with the school politics. I know it’s not my business but I find it really childish. They’re all acting like children fighting in the playground. Fighting to see who has the more power or whatever. It’s just makes me feel… I don’t know. It’s just weird.

Anyway I guess that’s all. I need to get back to work now. Bye guys.

Sorry if this post offends anyone. That's not my intention.
I'm just voicing out my opinions.